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Jamie: The Life and Times

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What follows is the life story of my brother Jamie. He’s a wild man, crazy in all respects. There is nothing that he won’t do. Despite the fact that he’s only 20 years old, he has done some pretty amazing things in his life already. The purpose of this piece of writing is to document my brothers history, and in so doing I hope that you gain the same respect that I have for him.

We should start at the beginning, Jamie was born August 14th, 1983, and from the beginning he was nothing but a menace on society. He was born in complete squalor in the jungles of Malaysia. His birth family was so poor that for the first 5 years of his life he could only afford organic clothing. By the age of 10 he was a bum on the street looking for a place to call home. Which he found one day while reading the local paper. The article read “Malay bird finds home in a Newfoundland.” So Jamie set off and eventually met up with a nice family on Sheffield Place. It was there that little Jamie grew and matured.

In 1995 Jamie completed the second most important work of his life. It had taken several years and many accidents, including the early onset of old age, and the destruction of an entire city block. But eventually Jamie pieced together a working time machine. With his newly developed machine he was able to travel back in time, and give himself the plans for his own time machine, thereby averting all of the accidents it caused during its development.

With this unparalleled power, Jamie began a mission to explore both space and time. He first set out to meet the man that inspired him. After realizing that Einstein wasn’t as smart as he had imagined, Jamie lost all direction in his life. There was no one around that he could admire and respect now that the great genius of the 20th century turned out to be just a loser scientist. And so Jamie strayed, wandering around time until eventually landing in the 70’s. It was at this time that Jamie settled into life as a hippie, and made a home in southern California. He grew his hair and didn’t have a care in the world. But as hippie life started to affect his opinions he started to become an impassioned political activist. It was unfortunate that at this point, he was drafted into service for the US Army to serve in Vietnam. Try as he might, he couldn’t get out of his duties, and he spent 6 months just north of Saigon fighting for a war he didn’t believe in. Embittered, he returned home and traveled back in time to join the ARVN (Army of the Republic of Vietnam) to get back at the Americans that drafted him.

With the rage out of his system, he turned his efforts towards peace. First he chatted with Winston Churchill in an attempt to prevent WWII. Realizing the futility of his effort, he settled for smaller goals. Starting with a visit to Clinton to discuss his bombing missions in the Balkans. The successful talks convinced Clinton not to use any nukes.

With this under his belt Jamie made a trip to Houston, where he began his training as an astronaut. And in September of 2000, he was launched by shuttle for a rendezvous with the International Space Station. By the time he finished his stay on board the station and was ready to come back to earth it was 2001, and Jamie was honored with the Nobel Peace Prize along with Kofi Annan, secretary general of the UN, for his work with Clinton and for working to bridge nations while in space.

Feeling pleased with what he had accomplished at this point in his life, Jamie returned home to Newfoundland and started going to University. And that brings me to the present. Jamie continues his studies at MUN, where he puts on a charade to convince people that he’s just an ordinary guy, that likes to laugh and have a few beers.

Watch out for this man he’s an up and comer who up and came, and is coming back for more.

Now you all know the truth, but don’t tell him I told you.

There are only two factual pieces of information in this document